Month: April 2017

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This heartfelt story from an alienator that lost the most precious things in her life is a powerful message. She identifies the source of her own personal motivation: she believes she is right and justified in her behavior. She only “see’s and listens to” things and people that support her beliefs. Once down that rabbit hole Alice, it’s hard to see and hear the facts and truth. It’s hard to come back to reality, though its not impossible.

It’s never too late to step back, look at the big picture and listen to your heart and the good intensions and Love from the other parent. If the alienated parent is honorably fighting to see their children, you better believe they LOVE those kids just as much as you do and has their best interest in their hear and mind.

This article is worth the read for anyone involved in alienating children from another parent.

I Would Give Anything to Go Back

 

(Not the actual author, in order to protect her identity)
Author: A grieving mother
Editor: Ben Willaims
Date: 4/19/2016 (Re-post)

I saw you guys in the Huffington Post, and I wanted to share my story so you can share this with every single parent you possibly can. I’m no role model, but my message is important. There isn’t much that angers me anymore, except when two parents can’t set their differences aside and do what is best for THEIR child. I’ll be blunt. I was an “alienator”. I played the whole ‘false allegations’, and ‘he did this’, ‘he did that’ game, which was encouraged by my lawyer.

I DID think that she was more “mine” than she was “his” because I loved her so very much. I wanted to mold her into what I wanted her to be. I didn’t think there was anyone who could care for her or love her like I could. I can’t tell you why I thought that or what could have changed my mind back then. But, because of MY selfish actions, I lost custody of my precious baby girl when she was 6. This is why your story in the news really hit home with me. It brought me to tears for everyone involved. I was so caught up in bitterness and being right, that I stopped seeing my little girl. I hated my ex so much, and I hated that he “won” even more. I cried every single day. And, I had to play the victim. Pity from others was the only thing bringing me comfort at that time. It’s behavior that, now, is hard for me to even comprehend. I don’t think I’m a bad person? At least, I certainly never intended to be.

It had been almost 5 months since I had seen my little girl when she and her Dad were hit by a semi truck. She was 7. I died that day too. Even then, I tried to blame him for it. Initially at least. I needed someone to blame. Now, I struggle daily to not blame myself. Obviously, I’m not saying that my little girl and her Dad would still be here today if I had done things differently, …but when they were hit, they were on their way to see her Counselor… no doubt, it was counseling needed because of MY actions. So, that is tough for me to swallow.

PARENTS, life is so short! And it can be taken in an instant! Life is never easy, and relationships are never easy. But, you need to figure it out! You DO NOT love your child more, and you aren’t the better parent. You are not helping your child by keeping them from half of their family, I don’t care what your lame, self-centered excuse is. We all have our good qualities, and we all have our problems. Perfectly imperfect. And, when YOU choose to fight and withhold your child, this is bringing out the worst in YOU anyway, so then your child has no positive role model in their life at all.

Learning about what my ex went through during the alienation and learning what a great father he was, was devastating to me. Simply because I couldn’t get past “my issues” and figure out how to communicate, I had to learn after his death what a great man he was and how much pain I caused him and our daughter. Don’t wait until you’re in my shoes and all you’re left with is thinking “I wish I could have the chance to do things differently.” There’s only one reasonable excuse for you to say “I can’t make things better TODAY” … and that is when death takes that opportunity from us. Everyone else, you have absolutely NO excuse.

I-would-give-anything-to-go-back

Thomas Zerbarini
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How We Treat Each Other…

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I think Tim is experiencing, in a way, what I have experienced these last few years.

My plight is a little more dramatic than Tim’s; but, what I’m learning is essentially the same.

I have experienced betrayal, loss, anguish and uncertainty. Instead of lashing out and losing myself to sadness, I’ve chosen to embrace and learn more from myself, how and why people live and act the way they do. I tried to understand people and how they behave in relationships. Even in great despair, war, family loss there is always Joy and happiness in our hearts to tap into and not succumb to hate and anger. Tapping into that kindness for others is infectious and feels good, really good. It’s uplifting to smile be kind and help someone, than to succumb to hate, anger and fear.

I’ve found that those whom have lost so much or have little for themselves tend to be the first to give, help and lift others up.

Keep going Tim. It’s uplifting to see more positive “giving” stories about how we help each other. Thank-you!

What are some advantages and disadvantages of being a pilot?

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What are some advantages and disadvantages of being a pilot?

Answer by Thomas Zerbarini:

I can’t think of one disadvantage in being a pilot. There are obstacles along the way to becoming a pilot that can be overcome with planning, goals and follow-through. There can be limitations on how much you can fly like cost, weather, health, etc…

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Becoming a certified and proficient pilot is very rewarding personally for me. It’s a huge responsibility that one must be personally dedicated to the safety of their passengers, cargo and equipment. Pilots need to be good decision makers and constantly evaluate risk.

As far as a career as a pilot; its much like any other career choice a person makes in their lives. You have to weigh your own preferences “pros and cons” as to your career choice and how you want to live your life. For example: travel is a big part of a professional pilot. When your single and want to see the world, travel is wonderful, a “pro.” But, when you start to have a family and want to spend more time at home with your children, travel becomes less of a priority and can be a “con.”

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I’d suggest asking yourself a number of questions and categorize them in a “Advantage” column or a “Disadvantage” column. I’d also suggest you make age brackets as well to try to forecast how your priorities in life might change as you get older. (Life events: Graduate College, Meet the Partner of you dreams, Get Married, Have children, etc…)

Here are some questions I thought of myself when I was getting started:

  1. How much will it cost for training
  2. How much will college cost
  3. Can I go to the military
  4. How much income can I get as soon as I graduate training/college
  5. What will my debt load be when I graduate
  6. Who is hiring low time pilots
  7. How do I build hours and gain quality flight experience
  8. Can I volunteer my time and gain experience
  9. What are the minimum Regional airline hiring requirements
  10. What is the income of a Regional Pilot
  11. How fast can I upgrade to Captain
  12. What are the minimums for a major International Airline
  13. What is the income of a major International Airline
  14. What is the risk of Furlough/Layoff at any point during my career
  15. When and how much do I start to save form my retirement
  16. Do I want to get married and how will that affect my career
  17. Do I want to have children and how will that affect my career
  18. How much will I be home
  19. Should I consider a Corporate Pilot position instead of the airlines
  20. Should I find a local, night, daily, or seasonal flying job instead
  21. Should I become a full time instructor or simulator instructor or ground instructor

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As you can see there are a lot of personal decision you’ll have to consider throughout your career as a pilot. You’ll certainly have to reconsider these questions and many others over the years as well.

Take a look at some of my other blog posts regarding becoming a pilot and how to research the steps to take.

What are the steps of becoming an airline pilot and how much time will it take?

How do I become a pilot?

I hope that helps get the thoughts and goals flowing.

Thomas Zerbarini

What are some advantages and disadvantages of being a pilot?